Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from youuuuuuuuu!"
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
The Pogues - "Fairytale of New York"
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
In the meantime, entertain yourself with this!
Before watching this next video, this man has something to get off his chest....
and unfortunately, it's his shirt.
Merry Christmas Fuck You!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I hope the Time Warner interwebz fairy (or a tech-savvy friend... Hint! Hint!) Will come fix this soon!!!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I might like this one even more than "Fever".
Monday, December 1, 2008
Please note the following points that shall be adhered to on Kate Kershner's Holiday Visit Home Tour. It is in the best interest of the VENUE (i.e.: JIM and CAROL KERSHNER'S rancher on 34th St. and the inhabitants therein) that these demands be strictly followed, if the VENUE ever wishes to see the TALENT (i.e.: KATE KERSHNER) come back after the 2006 Tour. This written agreement must be agreed upon and given no amendment unless specifically addressed with the TALENT.
Please also note that this rider would be unnecessary were it not for the now-canceled OPENING ACT (i.e.: Mike Kershner, brother and ultimate betrayer of TALENT), who got a little too popular (i.e.: a little too married) to come on Tour this year. TALENT, who no longer trusts anyone after OPENING ACT left for his own fancy TOUR and new VENUE, feels it best to have everything on paper. Although this document is not legally binding, it does work in accordance with the strict legality of the OFFICIAL CONTRACT (i.e.: Kate Kershner's birth certificate, verifying JIM and CAROL KERSHNER as Parents, and thus responsible for all future happiness).
TALENT arrives alone. Upon arrival, do not ask where CREW is. Do not get clever by saying boyfriend/your friend/special friend instead of CREW. Consider VENUE forewarned that when TALENT feels VENUE can act appropriately around CREW, TALENT will bring CREW. So TALENT will be arriving alone.
TALENT will be bringing one (1) duffel bag full of laundry, and TALENT doesn't want to hear she's too old for this. TALENT will do laundry herself. Unless VENUE, you know, was already planning on doing some anyway, in which case it would probably be easier if VENUE just threw it in with whatever VENUE is doing. No big deal.
Upon LOAD IN, the following should be placed in DRESSING ROOM (i.e.: TALENT'S former bedroom, now renamed CAROL'S NEW "PURPLE ROOM," painted to accompany VENUE'S new "BLUE ROOM," which makes TALENT ache for a time when a room in VENUE could be beige):
(1) Bottle of Vodka
(1) Bottle of Tonic, and not the diet tonic that VENUE usually buys. TALENT doesn't appreciate what VENUE is trying to say when VENUE only buys TALENT diet tonic water.
(1) Bath towel, long enough to be crammed under bottom of door
(1) Fan, which should be facing out the window
Smoke detector in room MUST BE DISABLED before LOAD IN. No drinking glasses necessary.
TALENT will take thirty (30) minutes to "put stuff away" in DRESSING ROOM after load in. VENUE should leave TALENT alone for those thirty (30) minutes, even if choking coughs can be heard. TALENT is fine. Upon TALENT exiting DRESSING ROOM, VENUE should be sensitive to the fact that TALENT might have trouble with simple appliances, proper conjugation in conversation, etc. Please recall Holiday Tour 2004, when TALENT made VENUE late for Christmas Eve Mass because it took TALENT approx. one half-hour to tie her shoe. Due to the fact that TALENT was wearing boots without laces. It'll be a lot like that. Be patient.
DURING DINNER SHOW:
It is our understanding that various other acts (i.e.: SPECIAL GUESTS) will be sharing the bill with TALENT during the Kate Kershner Holiday Visit Home Tour during the DINNER segment of our show. The following is required of VENUE during DINNER, but also extends to SPECIAL GUESTS.
TOPICS THAT ARE OFF LIMITS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:
1. TALENT'S lack of reliable employment
2. TALENT'S lack of reliable relationships
3. The story of that time TALENT pretended to be suicidal when she was 7 years old so she could find out what therapy was like, unless TALENT chooses to tell anecdote herself. No one but TALENT can tell that story with the proper context and complex nuances, and TALENT is sick sick sick of people fucking it up.
4. TALENT'S physical appearance, especially her hair color. TALENT understands she has roots, and fails to see why VENUE must mention this at every occasion. TALENT would be happy to amend the situation if VENUE would like to fork over $150 for a salon touchup. No? That's what TALENT thought.
5. TALENT'S complicated financial situation
6. Probably best to avoid politics, books of a high-minded literary nature, foreign films, and music that doesn't have words. TALENT feels stupid when these are discussed and accidentally lies about her knowledge of them, which makes TALENT feel bad and drink more. Keep in mind: Keeping TALENT happy is legally binding to VENUE in accordance with OFFICIAL CONTRACT.
RECOMMENDED TOPICS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:
1. Brokeback Mountain. TALENT knows it came out last year, but TALENT just saw it for the second time and thinks she has some pretty interesting things to say about it.
2. Celebrities. Especially any anecdotes about meeting them/seeing them somewhere. Jake Gyllenhaal/Heath Ledger sightings will be rewarded with robust conversation.
The following should be placed on or near the table at DINNER:
(2) Bottles of wine per person at table, preferably something cheap so VENUE doesn't bitch about how expensive it was during the course of the entire evening
(1) Bowl of mashed potatoes, skin ON. SKIN IS WHERE THE VITAMINS ARE.
(2) Bowls of stuffing, one cornbread and one plain. If there is so much as half a raisin in the stuffing, TALENT will immediately leave the table and possibly the city.
More food, at the VENUE'S discretion. Please check ahead with TALENT, however. And make sure not to have anything with honey. TALENT doesn't mind the taste, but it leaves her fingers sticky, which annoys her.
TALENT will require the following items on leaving the premises:
(1) Leftover container of every dish served at dinner
(1) Flask of alcohol, filled from VENUE'S liquor cabinet
(1) Pack of double-A batteries, provided by VENUE
(1) Copy of Sports Illustrated, provided by VENUE
(1) Old hair dryer, provided by VENUE
(1) Box of envelopes, provided by VENUE
(3) Books that VENUE recommends, and provides
(1) Duffel bag of clean clothes
(50) Dollars, for travel expenses
With all the TALENT'S demands met, we anticipate 2006 to be the best Holiday Visit Home Tour so far!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Taylor Swift from perry greenspan on Vimeo.
Kevin Dancing with John Lennon from perry greenspan on Vimeo
Sunday, November 9, 2008
"Thankfully, he [Bergh] did eventually stop rat fights and the like, though such events persisted for some time - people naturally want to gather in crowds and eat and drink and cheer and sometimes get into brawl. [Duh, ever watched a Yankees vs. Red Sox game?] Some historians argue that the end of rat fights did not come until the next inexpensive crowd-pleasing sporting event was finally embraced by the growing number of inner-city residents in New York and all over America: baseball."
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Some of my favorite quotes of the night, not in chronological order:
- "Keyboard players usually mean the band sucks."
- "Wait... She's married to that guy?... But what about the attractive guy with the wedding ring?... Oh shit... That's her brother???"
- "If I were him, I'd be suicidal too."
- "It's so salty that it makes me grimace." "Oh yea, that's what she said!"
- "Five pints of Harp, please."
- "Those are Shane's 'my-junk-looks-huge-from-f.o.h.' pants."
- "That's what you get when you're Shane Told, whooooooooa!"
- "Can you make sure Danny's in his bunk? The closer top right..." "He's there. I teabagged him to make sure."
- "Verb The Noun's drummer got hit by a car today... Yea, it's a bummer... No, he's okay."
- "We took a consensus and we need to know, have you ever had butt sex?" "Me? No. Wait, with a woman? Only once. She wanted it."
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
While few people love airdrumming more than me (seriously, I challenge you to find someone), I think investing in one of these bad boys would leave me with no friends. Read on for one of the most amazing things...ever.
According to their website,
We could do what those other supposedly geeky apparel companies do and print a regular t-shirt with a cool looking picture of a drum kit on the front... then say it was trendy, make a few Rock Band references and try to convince you to buy it. But we don't roll like that. At ThinkGeek we know you expect innovative new products and we're here to pony up the goods. So, how about an electronic t-shirt with a picture of an actual playable drum kit on the front? That's right. Hit the drums on this shirt with your finger and they play through the built in speaker... simple but amazing. With 7 different drum sounds you're ready for a personal drum solo on your chest.
- Tap the drums on this shirt and they actually play through the embedded speaker
- All drums on the shirt are playable
- 7 Different drum sounds in all
- Battery pack with speaker stores in hidden pocket near hem of shirt
- Adjustable volume... the top volume level is really loud
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Yea, we rode those... That's what she said.
'Cause I'm a vegetarian and I'm not fuckin' scared of him....
Just shreddin' with what looks like a giant blow-up Wiggle.
Sweet hangz, but where's Bleachie?
We'll blow one last kiss to all the beautiful nights like this under the Central Jersey sky... but actually, it's the Central Jersey sky!