Re #66

BALTIMORE -- The City That (Ed) Reeds.

(Oooh, I think I may have just named next year's fantasy football team.... Hmmm...)

Here are Danny and I getting a litte pre-game action with some notable Maryland figures.  Thank God the O's mascot can stay employed nearly year-round.  (Pitchers and catchers report for duty in like 50-some-odd days, yea?)

God, I am like the best sister... possibly ever.  Above is Danny with new lady friends Stephanie and Lindi.  Overheard from beer-bellied, Flacco- away jersey wearing, mustached man while I snapped this photo: "Aww, well, I think his girlfriend is cuter." *wink*  Umm, barf.  Instead of involving myself in a conversation with said man to explain that while I am flattered he thinks I'm cuter than the heavily make up-ed, tanorexic cheerleaders, I am infact the sister... so I smiled at him.  And this is Maryland, not West Virginia.  Don't get any ideas!

Completely gratuitous photo of the Johnny Unitas statue... for my dad.  One of his most prized possessions is autographed photo I got for him while working at a card show a few (or like 7) years back.  Personally, I thought Johnny Unitas was kind of a creep, but I'll keep that opinion to myself.  I'm hoping someone in Hollywood will make a movie out of 'The Greatest Game Ever Played' story.  I need more feel-good sports movies!!!  Also, Dick Symanski and Art Spinney kinda were babes back in 1958.  I'm sure that Ryan Gosling could like, be cast as the punter or placekicker or one of those other skinny white guy positions.  Plus, Gaslight Anthem could provide the soundtrack... the '59 '58 Sound!  Yes.

[Sidenote: Negro League players were hands down the best autograph guests to sit with at the card shows especially Stanley Glenn... followed by washed up baseball players (like Eddie Murray)... current football players (Ray Lewis, I would throw myself at the ground and play dead if you came running at me)and lastly, hockey players.  They were the worst.  Bigger assholes than the endodontist who did my first root canal... plus, total SFLB hair.  However, bonus points to me for being asked if I was Bob Griese's daughter!  Aaaaand, additional bonus points awarded to me for shaking Ted Williams hand before he went the way of Han Solo.]

PLAYOFFS, HERE WE COME!

#66

Big win yesterday in Baltimore!!  The men in purple brought me 24 year, 11 month birthday present... A WIN and the final wildcard spot in the AFC.  Halle-fuckin-lujah!

(More photos to come once blogspot and/or facebook let me upload them.)

#65

Happy 25th Birthday PG!

Perry is currently on a safari in the bush (somewhere in Botswana and/or South Africa) wearing ugly khaki clothes and ruining a perfectly good pair of Nikes all without interweb access.  In lieu of the Happy Birthday song...  here's a great jam by Toto!

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from youuuuuuuuu!"

#64

Forget my two front teeth....

All I want for Christmas are my nuts back.  

Hope everyone had a ball today!  ;-)

I scored big time this afternoon with: 

-ticket to Sunday's game plus Ed Reed jersey (!!!)

-subscription of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern

-Chuck Klosterman's Downtown Owl

-Baby Mama (Tina Fey, I want to grow up to be you!!) and Hellboy 2 (Hi, I'm a 12 year old boy.)

-various clothing of the American Apparel persuasion 

-sick pillow cases for my bed (as if it will dissuade me from getting more tattoos of my own)

Birthday countdown is on!  Just one month and three days until I turn old(er).

Dear NYC,  

Please reserve the nights of January 23rd and 27th to come out and celebrate Aileen and me as we turn a collective 50 years old.  This means you Jonah!  No excuses.

#63

Merry Christmas... from 1989!

10 points to whoever can guess what Christmas carol Danny is singing!

#62

Oh, hai. 

Can warm our handz by the fakey fire?

Team Roommate ^2 feelin' the heat!

Because I spent the better part of the last two weeks with the sickness, my holiday spirit definitely suffered this year.  I did manage to champion through the Annual 410 Eggnogular Holiday Party flanked with my party cup of XXX (aka "straightedge") Vitamin Water and toasted wheat pita bread.

Luckily, Jiscilla and Meik and Jessica were all on hand to documenting the event.  I'm a total pro at not using my camera lately.

Exhibit A: Further proof that Perry and I are becoming the same person.  Even our hair is turning the same color!

Exhibit B: Parker is in her festive 10th Grade Homecoming dress.  I am decidedly less festive in my unfunctional red and white striped scarf worn indoors.

Exhibit C: DJ Rob Hitt was sans iPhone DJ status this time.  However, Sarti was absent from the party and as such so were his interrupting phone calls to said iPhone.

Another successful party brought to us by Parker & Dagger & Jesse Mack!

#61

Two-thirds of the Earth is covered by water.

The other 1/3 is covered by Ed Reed.

Words cannot express my joy towards the Ravens win over the Cowboys on Saturday night AT THE LAST GAME AT TEXAS STADIUM.  Finally, one of my teams got it right.  (You know, unlike Orioles last game at Yankee Stadium.)  I wish I could embed this highlight reel!

Next Sunday, Danny and I will be bundled up in 17 layers of clothes and suspenders crafted from 20 hand warmers in Baltimore cheering the Ravens on in victory over Jacksonville!  Wildcard here we come.

Biggest dilemma... next jersey to get? 

Ed Reed vs. Derrick Mason.

The whole hunt-for-the-wildcard thing could prove to be a trying time for some of my friendships.  The Dagger, a rabid Pats fan, and I could come to blows over that elusive wildcard spot.

Re: #59

I don't have too many celeb crushes but Ryan Gosling....oh man.  

SWO-fuckin-OON!

RG can totally be on The CUBE Red Plaid Twin Team anytime he wants.  I am also willing to move to Ontario so we can properly start a life together.  I do love you Rachel McAdams, but I also have absolutely no problem stealing your on-again-off-again man.  

Thank you Popsugar for the photo.

#60

"If you're still wearing Vans outside right now, it's time to grow up."

Brace yourself folks...  It's officially wintertime on the east coast.  NYC was treated with a little pre-Christmas snowfall on Friday which quickly turned to snain (yes, that's snowrain) and then all the snow became gnarly slush and then froze.  Rad, right?

Camille and I are totally stoked on our snow status.

Bozzi is bummed on his Converse footwear decision and Dustin is trying to push Snowman Perry down into what's left of the snow.

A scenic and seasonal/festive Manhattan photo.  Trees line the sidewalk with huge building construction underway in the background.  L.E.S. FTW!

If the semi-naked air guitar man (as seen a few entries below) didn't get you in the holiday spirit, maybe this will.  It's totally the best NYChristmastime jam.  Happy Christmas your arse!

The Pogues - "Fairytale of New York"

#59

One Saturday in November, Dylan was in town on a string of days off from the 3OH!3 tour.  I decided to go meet him and Jonah Bayer dot org in Brooklyn for some brunch and sweet hangs.  

"Oh hi, Dylan.  Nice to see ya!  Nice outfit buddy!"

Later that week, street team extraordinaire B Franks and merch man Matt Young were spotted in the halls of the Atlantic offices in damn-near-identical striped sweater.

Not to be upstaged by marketing duo Thanh and Camille, below in matching white waffle long sleeves and black polo shirts.

It appears that THE CUBE trumps all in unintentional twin status.  Stephanie, Camille and me looking plenty evil in red plaid.  What?  Was there a sale at Urban Outfitters or something??

#58

Please stand by. Blogging will resume on 12/21/08 when I have parental interwebz and copious amounts of free time.

In the meantime, entertain yourself with this!
Before watching this next video, this man has something to get off his chest....



and unfortunately, it's his shirt.

M.C.F.U.
Merry Christmas Fuck You!

#50something

Not having working interwebz at the apt for going on 3 weeks now is driving me crazy!!! Cannot steal from WLCM anymore and updating from the 'berry sucks!

I hope the Time Warner interwebz fairy (or a tech-savvy friend... Hint! Hint!) Will come fix this soon!!!

#56

Everyone should listen to more Owen music!

"Fever" is definitely one of my favorites!

This one comes complete with an Unbearable Lightness of Being reference.  

Yay books!


I might like this one even more than "Fever". 

....and this wouldn't be complete without a music video for good measure.

#55

Dear NY tattoo shop,

I walk past you twice a day, once in the morning and once at night.  My desk jockey job makes it so you are usually CLOSED at both of these hours and that really harshes my gnar.  Always closed tattoo shop = such a tease!

Dear Frederick tattoo shop,

Clearly, I need to come get some more work done to keep you boys busy.  At least my tattoo artist (and former PVYA Red Sox teammate) John is the one doing the kicking!  I will have to stop by over Christmas and get something drawn up.  Hooray for getting a Christmas bonus that I will irresponsibly not be putting towards my college loan debt or always escalating credit card bill.

#54

The internet here at 84 East 4th has not worked for about a week now except for some random instances of stolen wireless from the 'WLCM' network - the only one in the area that isn't password protected.  It's kinda making me a little crazy even though I get plenty of interwebbing in at work.... it's just not the same.  I'm going through loser stat-tracker withdrawal and just unable to update the blog as much as I'd like.

So fingers crossed that my dear WLCM friend holds out for long enough to post this!

On Tuesday night, Erica and Perry (and DJ Rob Hitt) hosted the annual (I think) Trainwreck Winter Formal.  It was a good excuse to wear a dress and heels which are two things that don't happen a whole lot.  I (sorta surprisingly) had a really great time which may or may not be attributed to the open Venom+vodka bar, drink tickets, lack of Real World cameras and 'light wand' man, and long discussions of Veronica Mars as well as Matt Cassel fantasy points  and Ray Lewis youtube highlight reels.

(Thanks to Art Chick for the black&white photo and Meik for the one below since I didn't take any photos with my own camera.)

Katie Robinson (known to some as: My Retardedly Hot Friend Katie) also made a surprise AK appearance.  Whiskey drinks were had by all!  Oh, and look who else showed up...

THAT DUDE!!!!

I swear he stalks my life.  I can't walk down the street without seeing him... and he's not hard to miss with the face tattoos and reverse mohawk/sawed-off shotgun blast hair.  Let's hope he doesn't stumble into the Owen show tonight at the Mercury Lounge!

#53

I have to admit, I do miss the family.  I haven't gone back to Maryland for Thanksgiving for the past three years but this is the first year I feel kinda guilty about it.  I mean, my brother needs me to be a good influence and help nurture him through his formative years.  For example, this video of my brother is priceless.  He's the tall Michael Phelps-meets-Joe Flacco looking one.

For those not on Facebook, here is a paraphrased version of the video.

The Setting: apartment of 2 small most likely Asian girls, college students at Penn State Altoona campus

Stage Right: my brother Danny and his random friend are discussing alcohol

Random Friend: Brown!  Brown! Pull yourself together.

Danny: But...but...but... the whiskey, man.  It kicked my ass.

Random Friend: Just one more!  C'mon!

Danny: I can't... I can't...

Random Friend: The girls are doing another one.

Danny: Fine....

At this point, Danny looks like he may or may not vomit on their carpet.  Ahhh, youth.  On the other hand, if he dares to do something like, I don't know, get married before me or something... he's a dead man.

And that brings me to one of the most amazing things I've had the pleasure of reading lately.  

The Holiday Visit Home Tour Production Rider from McSweeney's via Perry by way of Keller.

PRODUCTION RIDER

FOR KATE KERSHNER'S

HOLIDAY VISIT

HOME TOUR.

BY KATE KERSHNER

- - - -

Please note the following points that shall be adhered to on Kate Kershner's Holiday Visit Home Tour. It is in the best interest of the VENUE (i.e.: JIM and CAROL KERSHNER'S rancher on 34th St. and the inhabitants therein) that these demands be strictly followed, if the VENUE ever wishes to see the TALENT (i.e.: KATE KERSHNER) come back after the 2006 Tour. This written agreement must be agreed upon and given no amendment unless specifically addressed with the TALENT.

Please also note that this rider would be unnecessary were it not for the now-canceled OPENING ACT (i.e.: Mike Kershner, brother and ultimate betrayer of TALENT), who got a little too popular (i.e.: a little too married) to come on Tour this year. TALENT, who no longer trusts anyone after OPENING ACT left for his own fancy TOUR and new VENUE, feels it best to have everything on paper. Although this document is not legally binding, it does work in accordance with the strict legality of the OFFICIAL CONTRACT (i.e.: Kate Kershner's birth certificate, verifying JIM and CAROL KERSHNER as Parents, and thus responsible for all future happiness).

LOAD IN:
TALENT arrives alone. Upon arrival, do not ask where CREW is. Do not get clever by saying boyfriend/your friend/special friend instead of CREW. Consider VENUE forewarned that when TALENT feels VENUE can act appropriately around CREW, TALENT will bring CREW. So TALENT will be arriving alone.

TALENT will be bringing one (1) duffel bag full of laundry, and TALENT doesn't want to hear she's too old for this. TALENT will do laundry herself. Unless VENUE, you know, was already planning on doing some anyway, in which case it would probably be easier if VENUE just threw it in with whatever VENUE is doing. No big deal.

Upon LOAD IN, the following should be placed in DRESSING ROOM (i.e.: TALENT'S former bedroom, now renamed CAROL'S NEW "PURPLE ROOM," painted to accompany VENUE'S new "BLUE ROOM," which makes TALENT ache for a time when a room in VENUE could be beige):

(1) Bottle of Vodka
(1) Bottle of Tonic, and not the diet tonic that VENUE usually buys. TALENT doesn't appreciate what VENUE is trying to say when VENUE only buys TALENT diet tonic water.
(1) Bath towel, long enough to be crammed under bottom of door
(1) Fan, which should be facing out the window

Smoke detector in room MUST BE DISABLED before LOAD IN. No drinking glasses necessary.

TALENT will take thirty (30) minutes to "put stuff away" in DRESSING ROOM after load in. VENUE should leave TALENT alone for those thirty (30) minutes, even if choking coughs can be heard. TALENT is fine. Upon TALENT exiting DRESSING ROOM, VENUE should be sensitive to the fact that TALENT might have trouble with simple appliances, proper conjugation in conversation, etc. Please recall Holiday Tour 2004, when TALENT made VENUE late for Christmas Eve Mass because it took TALENT approx. one half-hour to tie her shoe. Due to the fact that TALENT was wearing boots without laces. It'll be a lot like that. Be patient.

DURING DINNER SHOW:
It is our understanding that various other acts (i.e.: SPECIAL GUESTS) will be sharing the bill with TALENT during the Kate Kershner Holiday Visit Home Tour during the DINNER segment of our show. The following is required of VENUE during DINNER, but also extends to SPECIAL GUESTS.

TOPICS THAT ARE OFF LIMITS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:

1. TALENT'S lack of reliable employment
2. TALENT'S lack of reliable relationships
3. The story of that time TALENT pretended to be suicidal when she was 7 years old so she could find out what therapy was like, unless TALENT chooses to tell anecdote herself. No one but TALENT can tell that story with the proper context and complex nuances, and TALENT is sick sick sick of people fucking it up.
4. TALENT'S physical appearance, especially her hair color. TALENT understands she has roots, and fails to see why VENUE must mention this at every occasion. TALENT would be happy to amend the situation if VENUE would like to fork over $150 for a salon touchup. No? That's what TALENT thought.
5. TALENT'S complicated financial situation
6. Probably best to avoid politics, books of a high-minded literary nature, foreign films, and music that doesn't have words. TALENT feels stupid when these are discussed and accidentally lies about her knowledge of them, which makes TALENT feel bad and drink more. Keep in mind: Keeping TALENT happy is legally binding to VENUE in accordance with OFFICIAL CONTRACT.

RECOMMENDED TOPICS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:
1. Brokeback Mountain. TALENT knows it came out last year, but TALENT just saw it for the second time and thinks she has some pretty interesting things to say about it.
2. Celebrities. Especially any anecdotes about meeting them/seeing them somewhere. Jake Gyllenhaal/Heath Ledger sightings will be rewarded with robust conversation.

The following should be placed on or near the table at DINNER:

(2) Bottles of wine per person at table, preferably something cheap so VENUE doesn't bitch about how expensive it was during the course of the entire evening
(1) Bowl of mashed potatoes, skin ON. SKIN IS WHERE THE VITAMINS ARE.
(2) Bowls of stuffing, one cornbread and one plain. If there is so much as half a raisin in the stuffing, TALENT will immediately leave the table and possibly the city.

More food, at the VENUE'S discretion. Please check ahead with TALENT, however. And make sure not to have anything with honey. TALENT doesn't mind the taste, but it leaves her fingers sticky, which annoys her.

LOAD OUT:
TALENT will require the following items on leaving the premises:

(1) Leftover container of every dish served at dinner
(1) Flask of alcohol, filled from VENUE'S liquor cabinet
(1) Pack of double-A batteries, provided by VENUE
(1) Copy of Sports Illustrated, provided by VENUE
(1) Old hair dryer, provided by VENUE
(1) Box of envelopes, provided by VENUE
(3) Books that VENUE recommends, and provides
(1) Duffel bag of clean clothes
(50) Dollars, for travel expenses

With all the TALENT'S demands met, we anticipate 2006 to be the best Holiday Visit Home Tour so far!

Too good to not share, right?  There is no doubt in my mind that the VENUE (in this case, BOB and JENNIFER BROWN of Jefferson, Maryland) will take care of the TALENT'S laundry upon arrival.  The DRESSING ROOM is still pretty much the way the TALENT left it in 2002 when leaving for college complete with a twin-sized bed, field hockey trophies, Calculus books, and plenty of snapshots cataloging the TALENT'S adventures in underage drinking.